Time To Jump

I came back from Chicago yesterday with an aching heart. A weekend with Dave Matthews, great company and an unbelievable view of the city had to end too soon. Today begins my biggest attempt yet of actively pursuing my dreams. I gave myself time to rest and now it's time to start narrowing down my interests and jump in.

It's scary... Really scary, actually.

What it comes down to is not knowing what I really want. I prepared myself for this and I knew it was coming full force once I graduated. The truth is, you can never fully prepare for your future. Is it a fast paced, luxurious life that I want or is it a minimalist, easy going lifestyle? Everything changes so quickly, including my mind. A part of me wants to find love and settle down in a nice cozy apartment, talking about future children and my dreams of changing the world. The other side of me is perfectly happy with the love I get from my dog and my wonderful friendships. Instead of talking about my dreams, I would be living out my dreams and nothing would be holding me back. Is it possible to have it all? I just don't want life to pass me by.

While in Chicago, I got up early one morning for a run around the city. I decided to take a seat on a bench outside of an office while I looked around and took everything in. Could I see myself living here? The answer was yes, however, it is not that simple. I got that same sense of belonging in California, New Orleans, Europe, and even Central America when I could fit all of my belongings into one bag. I guess I would rather feel that I belong in multiple places instead of no where. It still doesn't make the decision any easier.

Just like this amazing weekend flew by, one day I will look back on my entire life and say the same thing. I strive to make every day a great one. In a life of few certainties, one thing is in fact, for certain. As long as I have this fire inside of me and great people by my side, I will continue to do great things. As my interest in religion fades, my faith and spirituality multiplies. The force that is pushing me is hard to ignore. I choose to believe that it will guide me, I just have to let it and be open to new ideas. After a two and a half hour meeting with the Executive Director at United Way last week, I decided to apply for an AmeriCorps position with Habitat for Humanity. It's really the first job I've applied for in over a year and I won't be making a lot of money, however, I will be rich in experience. 

Regardless of how scary it is, it's time to jump.


"It's crazy, I'm thinking, just knowing that the world is round and here I'll be dancing on the ground. Am I right side up or upside down? Is this real or am I dreaming?" - Dave Matthews